Finding Truth in Christ
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:14-19
Well, I lost it this week. AGAIN.
I desperately wanted to feel peace. But the same old scenario kept unfolding before me, the subtle rush of anxiety building momentum. I was feeling overwhelmed at every little thing, and it seemed I was powerless to stop it. I could feel myself becoming someone I did not want to become. Again.
In the laundry room I find that our dogs have decided to regress in their toileting habits since we have moved. No one is home, it’s me. I get to clean it up. Again.
Carrying in groceries, the dogs are circling my feet, causing me to trip. Again.
Opening the fridge to put food away only to find leftovers stored in various non-sealing containers. Empty boxes taking up space that could easily have been thrown out. Again.
Out of the corner of my eye I glimpse the bill container with this week’s mail piled on top. Next to it is the laptop that is mocking me, “You still haven’t contacted your daughter’s teacher or graded your son’s online assignments.”
Looking up, as I am in the process of losing my mind, there is my husband, home from work, staring at me. In my least pleasant voice, I ask him why he is standing there staring at me. He replied that he was wondering how he could help me.
How could he help me?!
I could give him a list a MILE long! Fortunately for the kids, they were away as their mother was morphing into this alter-ego. I stopped in my tracks. Stood right in front of the kitchen sink and cried out to God. The truth is that there was nothing my husband could do. The list I would like to unload on him and whoever else was in close proximity, in actuality, wouldn’t help even if it was all immediately done.
What I was experiencing was not because the dogs were being dogs. Or that my family had left the contents of the fridge in disarray. Or that the bills are FOREVER there, and that laptop is continuously calling me to get caught up. Again.
This is an average day in the life of a family. What had happened that took this average day and made me feel like I was losing my ever-loving mind?
I was trying to do it all myself. By myself. Right then.
I believe it was Pastor Burris who I remember saying, “All Spirit and no word you will blow up, All Word and no Spirit you will dry up.”
I was dried up. I had been spending time in the Bible, doing my daily Bible study. My doing was right, but my feelings were somehow off. I had been trying to pray but just couldn’t get into it. The busyness of life was creeping in and I thought I could put the band aid of a simple prayer on it and go about my day.
As responsibilities were piling up and major life change in our family was happening, I kept moving forward trying to tackle the next thing on my list. What I needed was time with my Father.
In 2 Corinthians chapter 12 Paul is sharing about boasting in his weakness. In verse 9 the Lord said to him,
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Then Paul responds with, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
This is what I needed. This is the only thing that could keep my mind at rest. God does not expect me to get it all done by myself, he knows I am weak. I am to find truth in the Word that He has provided, to be guided by the Holy Spirit. Instead of feeling consumed by my weakness I want to boast of how Christ uses it for his glory.
I want nothing more than for God to make his home in my heart, to trust him, for my roots to grow from his love, to be strong in him, and to feel the love that he has for me.
The fridge is tidied now, and the dogs are outside. The mail is still piled up, and I still haven’t tackled all of the things that need to get caught up, but my mind is at rest. When life gets unbalanced, it is often not the people around you or the tasks that are before you that cause the instability.
I want to leave you with the question, “What source are you tapping into?”
Time with the Father has a way of putting things into perspective.